Here’s the thing. In my old life, before I suffered my big bang of emotional trauma, the world was a different place. I now know this because, every day, when I open my eyes in the morning, I am blinded by colour. My world used to be in black and white. Or sepia even. Brown and uninspiring. Now I see a sky of neon blue, and grass that’s emerald green. I’m going to write more about colour in my next post – so keep reading.
There are two explanations. One is that I have gone totally mad. Could I be a bit psychotic? I don’t think so. I’m still functioning like most normal human beings on the planet. Or the second reason is that my old life was so miserable and dull, that I lived with my senses switched off. As if the wind screen wipers didn’t work – that sort of thing. I think I was walking around in a bubble of misery, and I didn’t even know it.
I think what happens, when you are deeply unhappy, is that every day is just a teeny weenie bit worse than the day before. If this goes on for years, and it can do, you are unaware of how far you have fallen. It’s a sort of fog that never goes away. Perhaps people on the outside can see it, but you can’t. You live then, looking out through your eyes like a pair of binoculars. Seeing the world not as it really is. You are stuck in a pit that is so deep, you are still falling and haven’t hit the bottom. It’s bewildering, that other people are living their lives and you are being left behind.
I used to find noise insufferable. Heat was intolerable. I did everything as fast as I could, to just get it done. I lived with lists and lists, and couldn’t settle until everything was ticked off. I ran about like a headless chicken being efficient, but the real aspect of Living My Life, passed me by. I never slept. I lay staring at the ceiling, and went to work every day with my eyes streaming. I did this for half a century. I can hardly believe it.
Now I’ve written my book Dating Daisy, I’ve used the character of Daisy to show what can happen, when you make a positive decision to put the past behind you and make a positive change for the future.
I divorced my husband, who if you need to know, had been having an affair, probably for a very long time. At the same time both my parents died of cancer, in quick succession. I was alone, and I had no idea how to live the rest of my life.
But this website is all about change. I want people to know what happens when you wake up and smell the coffee! It’s a big, wonderful world out there, and we are only in it for such a short time. Every day, in fact every moment, is precious. A word I use a lot these days.
I’ve made a list about all the things I’m going to write about for this blog. And the list may surprise you. Let me tell you what I’m not writing about. Here goes: antidepressants and counselling. Yes, they have their place for some people some of the time. But at the end of the day, can you take the pills – forever? Visit your counsellor – forever!? I think not!
What needs to happen is a whole new life, lived without the fog. Climate change! Get rid of the pollution! A life where all your senses are tip top. You are functioning on all cylinders. The sun is bright. The air is clean. You can breathe in and out and feel the oxygen bubbling through your veins. Your limbs swing beside you as you walk, head held high. A smile erupts on your face without you knowing it. Music is soft and you hear it now, like you’ve never heard it before. (Heh- do you think that was a violin?). Take time to bath, to care for your skin, to feel the softness of the towel and sink into your mattress.
Food is now a pleasure. Your taste buds jangle at the sight of great food, plump olives, parmesan cheese, balsamic vinegar, roasted garlic, fresh basil, pine nuts – oh the list is endless. Mango, blueberries, avocados, cherries. You can eat until the juices are dribbling down your chin.
And when anyone ask – you always say yes. It’s called joining in. Even if it’s not your thing, you get up, smile and try your best. Why? – so you have something to talk about at the water hole! You never know whether you might find a whole new hobby or interest. Or make some new friends. Or laugh yourself stupid. Or have a story to tell – or write on your blog! It’s better to always say yes.
So my blog is about how to be YOU! I’m going to write loads of articles on anything and everything we need to be happy. OK, happy and healthy. And the rules apply you us all, but I happen to be 55 now, so anyone out there over 50, this is for you!
This is a BIG BLOG, a colourful blog, which may just change your life!